Sunday, April 20, 2008

“This is a plausible theory”

The BBC has been a wellspring of world-class reportage for many years. For detailed reports about world events to pithy, hard-hitting in-depth news analysis, the BBC has no competition.

Recently the Beeb ran a story about studies done on prostate cancer by Australian researchers. The researchers concluded that frequent solo-sex sessions could significantly reduce a man’s chances of coming down with prostate cancer by regularly flushing toxins which can cause prostate cancer out of a man’s reproductive system.

So, solo sex now joins more common fitness regimens like jogging, weight-lifting and dieting. Though I strongly suspect that people will be a lot more inclined to stick with it than the latter three!

Monday, April 07, 2008

Maybe we're taking the wrong approach...

Word is that the United States Department of Energy is working on a new generation of nuclear weapons. The Pentagon doesn't even want them. Peace groups are naturally up in arms at this development. They claim, rightly in my humble opinion, that building new nukes only encourages other nations to go nuclear as well.

The late Chicago Sun-Times and Chicago Tribune columnist Mike Rokyo once suggested that instead of trying to curb gun violence through gun control, guns should be as plentiful and ubiquitous as ballpoint pens. He cited as an example an armed robber trying to victimize a subway car full of people. The prospect of being on the wrong end of not one, but dozens of revolvers and automatics would presumably make a criminal think twice about pulling off a job like that.

Which leads me to my point. Attempts to limit the spread and manufacture of nuclear weapons, by peace groups and governments over the last 60 years, have been an uphill battle at best, fruitless at worst. The big nations want them, well, just because, and the little nations want them to protect themselves from the big nations and from neighboring countries that they don't get along with. So, instead of going against the flow, instead of trying to control the proliferation of nuclear weapons, let's give every country on earth, from the biggest superpowers to the smallest island nation, nuclear missiles and bombs.

Before you question my sanity, hear me out. I'm in no way beating the drums for Armageddon. Quite the opposite. I believe that if every government knows that any military adventure could result in mutual assured destruction, they'd probably think twice about engaging in them. Wars over resources would be replaced by vigorous negotiations. Border disputes would be settled by teams of surveyors rather than by armies. And tyrants would have to seriously reconsider their plans for world conquest.

Is this wishful thinking on my part? Probably. But if you can think of a better way to insure human survival, please let me know!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Martial Law Declared! Elections Postponed Indefinitely!

Citing civil disturbances arising from the sub-prime mortgage crisis, the Bear-Stearns bailout and skyrocketing oil prices, President Bush announced today that all civil liberties would be suspended effective immediately and until further notice. He also announced the indefinite postponement of the upcoming presidential election.

(Sorry, just kidding! April fool!)